Couldn't Sleep... written on 10/02/02 @ 0625
As I lay my head sideways upon his chest,
nestled safely in the warmth and strength of his bosom,
salty tears snake across my face
-slithering, burning, searing my sensitive flesh.
I sob, I dab, I wipe.
My finger, the pillow case, the sheets.
But my muffled sniffling is in vain!
I don't want him to know I'm crying.
Oh but he does know.
He sees the dark cloud encircling me even in this darkness.
He senses my sorrow in the air.
He saw me pray.
He feels it in the nonrhythmic rhythm of my breathing
-and the uncontrolled twitching of my body.
Thought I was being quiet,
yet he hears me even in this silence.
He holds me, caresses me.
Not exactly sure what to do,
but instinctively does what I need him to.
He holds me, squeezes me, caresses me
'til my breathing once again matches his.
Never once uttering a word.
Never once searching for the tears,
he gave me peace, reassurance, and serenity.
He gave me him.
He gave me love!
Job well done,
he rolls over but continues to give reassuring pats.
He lays his leg next to mine, touching
'til he slumbers off to sleep.
I need to write this down!
If I get up will I wake him?
I'm thinking about you Momma,
remembering this night three years ago.
Remembering my thoughts, my feelings, your words, your face, your eyes.
Watching you. So strong.
Praying for you to softly slumber off to sleep,
but secretly wishing you could stay with me.
Momma I love you,
But maybe now I can fall asleep too.